Act Like a Lady…Think Like an Adult?

•May 27, 2009 • Leave a Comment
Today at work, I seen two grown ass women damn near jump out of their skins in pure joy, when one of the patients produced the “Think Like a Lady” book. Now mind you …

A) This lady was on her fourth kid at the age of 22 and is depending on the government to pay all of her bill. She need the “Think” book. She needs to master that before she starts excersing thinking like other people…..but I digress.

When I seen the book, I cracked a…nothing actually. My face did nothing . I was not excited. And I’ll tell you why.

One. What I look like taking relationship advice from a man who looks like the Black Version of Mr. Clean?

The dynamics of relationships are quite complex. But the outline of them is pretty simple to UNDERSTAND if you ask me. This doesn’t apply to the PRACTICE *cuz I’m not good at practicing lol *of those dynamics…just the simple basic fundamental elements.

And here they are. Black and White.

He either WANTS TO…. or DOESN’T WANT TO (the wildcard is he can’t…but that is subject to situations.

Simple.

He either WANTS to come see you or he DOESN’T want to come see you. Give or take the wildcare which he wants to come see and can’t *no car, has to work, tired, F*CKING SOMEBODY ELSE AT THE MOMENT*…well that depends on the situation.

He either WANTS to take you out or he DOESN’T. If you’ve been with a man for more than….6 months and you haven’t seen the outside of his living room or bedroom…HE DOESN’T want to be seen in public with you. Look. Times is hard…but they ain’t THAT hard that his brokedomness confines him to his house and his house alone. Wise up. DVDs ain’t dates. That’s fourplay.

He either WANTS to call you or DOESN”T want to call you. Phones games are retarded. He’s either going to want to talk to you, pick and the phone and DO IT. Or he doesn’t want to talk to you, will wait till you call and find a way to get off the phone with you, QUICK *Unless you offer head or something to keep his attention….which I advise you NOT do.* That waiting by the phone shit is for the birds. Phones, last time I checked in 2009, make and receive calls. So as much as you’re calling him, IF HE WANTED TOO, he could be calling you. Stop wasting your minutes/texts on someone who doesn’t want to TALK TO YOU.

Here’s the biggie. He either WANTS to be with you or He DOESN’T. Ain’t no getting around this shit here. If he wants to be with you…He will be with you. Ain’t no game you gotta play, no hide and seek with your coochie, no nothing. He either likes who you are….or JUST likes how you fuck. Period.

I don’t need no damn book to tell me that. I know the sh*t. YOU know the shit. But like I said Practice and Understanding are two different things. BUT If you need a book to tell you when to have sex with a man, and when to hold your cards and blah blah blah…well….

Tough Break Sistah…If you need that much help, your gonna lose. What ya gonna do 10 years down the line when you’re married and STILL clueless…get the Think like a Wife but act like a….series of books? No.

I wrote it out just to let you know that Harvey running to the bank on ya’ll. I wrote everything you know and need to know if a roughly thrown together note. He just flapping his jaws. He’s RICH BIOTCH.

Look like he need to be showing me how to use my magic eraser…..

Portfolio Look

•May 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zpeI-qKi-M

 

WordPress is a tad bit crazy asking me to pay 60 bucks so I can embed a video. So click the link! I hope you like it!

New Website New Direction

•May 11, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Hey Guys this will be short. Mainly because its going to be followed by a lengthier post.

I just started my Print Marketing and Graphic Design Website!

Yay Me! Entrepreneurship is fun!

So while this blog will still be sprinkled with my funny commentary  and socially aware post, you’ll start to see more tutorials I’ve found around the web that are helpful to my fellow graphic design artist and those who just have a general interest in learning more about graphics. Yay!

Oh yeah. The Website is www.jadebrieanne.net.

Happy MLK Day! Happy Inauguration Day!!

•January 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

___king_obama____by_mavsfan991

Happy MLK Day! It’s a wonderul day full of civil service and remeberance. I just wanted to reach out to people on this day, share in the fellowship of it all  [inhales]  Mmmmhhhm! Although I’m not sure many people visit here….they will one day Muahahaha..ha.haha.ha.

Ahem anyways. I wanted to drop some graphics I did, especially the one I did in regards to today and tomorrow. Not much to be said because its all been said. I am very happy and fuzzy on the inside. I would choose more eloquent words, but heh, who cares lol. I did this graphic in like…2 minutes. Rushing because I just wanted the idea out of my head and onto some digital form. 

 

nelly213

As you can see nothing special. ESPECIALLY when WP decides to format the size as minipini. Crap. I started to stretch it out and it started to look lik crow fodder. You can see it here if you’re THAT interested =-) http://bishoujojade.deviantart.com/ But then again…maybe its just meant to be seen as small…

 

 

blueffade

Very simple logo I did for my uncle  company titled…dum-dum-dum-daaaaa Wood U Believe.  Tee hee.

 

Alright I’m done. I’m just bored.

Randomnessesses….Yes. Its not a Word.

•January 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment
You momof*ckers thought ya’ll was gonna get away with this MASS explosion of Randoms and I wasn’t getting mines in here?

No this JUST isn’t Random Facts about me
No I ain’t tagging 16 people. Ya’ll can kiss my ass
No I ain’t angry….I just type really really HARD….

Alright. I’m calm. Tee Hee.

‘Sup?

Although some females take it WAAAY out of context and should sit down, why do men get so mad when a song that isn’t derogatory towards women or it isn’t a song fulled of cattiness towards one another or maybe a song about car windows and them being busted…and complain about it. Ya’ll been talking CRAAAAAZY out the side of your mouth about females for decades. But the whole male world damn near puked their guts out @ Bust Your Windows or was quick to tell a female how much of a Diva THEY wasn’t. Just funny to me. ::turns up her ghetto blaster on “Bitches ain’t Shit”::

I had the most two awkward conversation today with two old coworkers of mines. One had seen my picture [If ya didn't know, I went natural and am sporting that gooood ole TWA...hold up I ain't tag nobody...so who am I talking to] . One was black and one was white. Conversation went a lil something like this [hit it]

BG: Soo…What the hell did you do to your hair?
Me: I went natural
BG: Natural? So that means you ain’t getting no more perms
Me: Yeah. No more Fire Cream to the head
BG: If you like that nappy shit. You looked better with a damn perm. I don’t ‘like it
Me: You’re acting as if I give a fu…

Me: Hey Kurt
WG: Man! Look at your hair!
Me:……
WG: I like that! Its so pretty and curly! Good look man!
Me: Why…well…thank you Kurt

Trust me. Conversation A happens a lot more than Conversation B.

I like Anime. I like Manga. ALOT. I like Star Wars. I like Christian Haydensen. I like hearing the Japanese language being spoken. I don’t think people at Cos Play conventions are THAT weird, tad bit obsessed, but not weird. I like Harry f*cking Potter. I like musicals. I like singing the song from Disney at the top of my lungs. I like J pop, no I don’t understand a damn thing they are saying. I like the Rings trilogy. I like a lot weird shit that other black women don’t. Scoff all you want. Idungivashit.

I inserted this pic just to kick up the “strange” factor UP A NOTCH!

So this woman I work with wanted me to date her fat sloppy need a damn haircut nephew and when I said no she got offended and wanted to know why. The words that came out of my mouth made me sound a tad bit shallow. I’m not going to be with someone I’m not attracted to. He’s a good man is what she said. Yo. GET THIS THROUGH YOUR HEAD. EVERY good man isn’t the GOOD man for Me. Don’t make them less of a good man. I just don’t want THAT one.

I hope black folks don’t act a damn fool next weekend. I ain’t trying to be embarrassed by niggers at inauguration. This ain’t a reason to party like its homecoming. Try to embrace the history and not your niggerdom. Thankx

I’ve got SOOO many video clips of me dancing. I’m trying to figure out why I haven’t uploaded them yet. YO. Everything on this side of the state SUCKS when you want to dance. Ballroom dance is the only option I have right now and I’m bout ready to do that just for the sake of dancing.

Ever since I turn my chat off….my Facebook experience has been a lot less slow. That damn chat slows your computer down and doesn’t give you an away options. Just on or off. F’ it. OFF then. And I don’t feel like talking all the damn time. But FB sure makes you look like an asshat for not answering.

Heels are ignorant. Sure they are pretty. But I go to the club to have a good damn time. According to Webster….a good time doesn’t include my foot going to sleep, the balls of my feet feeling like sh*t or that HORRID walk back to the car when all I want to do is take the damn shoes OFF. But they are so pretty.

I like Beyonce. I don’t see why people have SUCH a huge problem with her. But oh well. To each their own. Hell but I can understand. I hate Plies. I hate Soulja Boy. Wayne annoys the dog shit out of me, and to other people they are their idols. So yeah. I get it.

Yo. STFU about gay people. Unless that man is trying to put his peen in you…why are you so concerned. Mighty Hey-Zeus. SHUT UP talking to me about it. I don’t care if you feel icky or whatever. Get over it son. Get over it.

So LOL one of my friends I’d seen while I was in Raleigh gave me a backpack. Said I’d been a in the closet backpacker and he was gonna help me see the light. I thought it was funny.

Yeah I’m out. I don’t’ have any other random things to say….

AMERICA! PHUCK YEAH!
KONGOSOUHA!!!!
Ai to Seigo No! Sera fuku bishoujo senshi!
You JUICY MOOOFTED….YO MOUF IS JUICY. JUICY MOUFT-TED.
F*CK YO COUCH NEGGA!

Except for that…

and oh yeah.

Its KAH-GO-MEH….not KUH-GO-MAY…get it right.

And. I think Damon Jr. is cute as hell. Dammit.

Bell Ringer FAIL

•December 7, 2008 • Leave a Comment

Yeaaah no.Stop Typing…

•December 2, 2008 • Leave a Comment
One. Stop typing in all Caps. This isn’t YouTube. There isn’t a Audio button that we can hear how LOUDLY you’re typing. Get it, asshat. How Loudly you’re TYPING.

Two. I know it says Updates. I know I update my status frequently too. But I DON’T want to see every move you are making through the day.

“I’m going to class”
“About to eat”
“Is it Meatloaf surprise day I the Caf?”
“Oooh Shouldn’t have ate that…”
“In the bathroom”
“On my way to the boo’s house”
“Throwing the condom in the trash”
“Looks like I’m gonna be a daddy!”

CRAZY MEATLOAF THURSDAYS!!
If if that important that we as strangers know your every move, 007, then you might want to invest in real friends. The ones that actually breath and givesashit.

Three. I KNOOOOW you love your significant other. I’m so happy for you. Love is beautiful. Such a beautiful thing. But shit, Casanova. Do I have to hear about it, all through out the day. . C’mon. No really. Shut the f*ck up. You and Pookie Baby Girl may be attached at the hip. But its not MY hip.

*Said message does not apply to those who are married or in the process of said ceremony…

Four. Alphanumeric messages are for morons. I d0n’t car3 if y0u think this is cut3. ITs not.

Five. Typing like you have Shift Key turrets isn’t cute either. ThIs iS fOr FuCkInG ReTaRdS. Do You know how much time and energy is wasted doing that shit. If you are older than 3, you should type like you still don’t shit in pampers for a living. Damn eyeballs wanna commit seppuku trying to read that.

Six: Thug-a-risms. If you are planning on assaulting someone. Just do it. That menacing screw face sneer and autistic yelling at the monitor…isn’t scary. You can’t spacebar and Caps Lock the shit outta anybody. Your going to actually have to fight them. Why give up the element of surprise by letting your opponent know you’re mad …or whatever you call that you’re doing.

So Sad….::sigh::: where’s my facebook login..the world should kno….

Six: If you are having a bad day. EVERYDAY. Don’t tell us. We don’t care enough to CARE enough if you put it in your status. After the …third consecutive pathetic ass status message, I would recommend you LOG the hell off, and seek help. I don’t care if you gotta go down to the bus stop and talk to Jimmy Joe the crackhead. Come back with a smile on your perpetual e-face or don’t come back at all.

Eight: You’re “rich”. I get it. I’m not. So shut up.

Nine: If you’re going to put something extra witty or copy and paste your favorite artist/rapper/actor/poet....Know what the hell you are talking about. Make sure it ,b>APPLIES TO YOU. Not a thug…quote-ables from the hardest rapper on EARF won’t make you hard. Poppin a cap in someone’s ass does that. Beyonce…if you don’t have a boyfriend…or have been single for YEARS….Put a Ring on it DOESN’T APPLY TO YOU….and you ARE probably Replaceable, boo. You’re happy OBAMA won…but you didn’t vote.

Ten: Controversial status updates are fun. But why not just make it into a note? Gives you room to back up that bull hockey doo doo shit you’re talking…

That is all. Kumbaya and all that jazz. Sprinkles on your cupcakes and shit.

Peace.

Dumb It Down [:-:] Hip Hop

•November 30, 2008 • Leave a Comment
When I’m riding in the car with family, friends, co-workers, a song, usually a popular song on an urban radio station will come on, and someone will start rapping word for word [which cracks me up, when they can't decipher what actually being said, just mindless memorization] and there will be a energy of hype-ness in the car. Which I never really catch. I may bop my head but I can guarantee you I’m not really listening.

And I find it often that some of my friends will get slightly gaffed when said song comes on, that I don’t particularity like [ Good example, that ridiculous Trina “Look Back At Me” ] and they’ll go why, as if its some great crime not to be excited by a song with lyrics such as

I got a ass so big like the sun
I hope ya got a mile for a dick I wanna (run)
Slap it in ma face, shove it down ma (throat)
Nigga where ya blunt, I can make this pussy (smoke)
I know how to (fuck) I know how to (ride)
I can spin around and keep the dick still inside
Now your mouth (wide), your lookin real scared
I’m a man eater, head hunter, (I’m prepared)

I mean you gotta be kidding me….

…and I’ll think something overly deep in my head such as “that song is not food for thought” but I’ll outwardly go…eh…I just can’t stand it.

My whole take on the decline that hip hop has taken can be mainly contributed by the rise or maybe the precedent that MAINSTREAM hip hop takes in our lives. But just the music . One thing that people constantly forget is that hip hop ISN’T just a genre of music. Its a culture. A way of life. Music, Graffiti, Dancing..a mind set. [Which I could go into a whole 'nother note with, because if I see one more hip hop dance movie subjugated and completely dominated by white folks, I'll go mad. Mad Hatter, mad. Not saying that white folks can't dance. Because I know a few that GET DOWN.] But I digress. When hip hop was young, it was a way of living, not a finite means to a paycheck. It was about getting your message out to the masses, and for a lucky few, they got paid for it.

Hip hop, music…rapping…lyricism. In its essence, is comprehensive. When I say get your message out, I mean just that…a message. Something that you have to say. Not yell over a mic with 500 people in the background, screaming out drugs money and hoes. Comprehensive . Our music is…well used to be in mass, comprehensive. We had to LISTEN to what the MC had to say, decipher it. To have mental grasp on what the artist was trying to say. Their message.

And I think that’s where the trouble lies. In our time now, it isn’t about really what the artist is saying. Its how he/she gets it across. If that means overproducing the track, standing next to a car with ignorantly huge rims in nothing but a bikini, using the latest gimmick (vocoder anyone) or basically dumbing it down so much there is no need to concentrate on the words…just the delivery of the whole package. Females are the easiest targets of this. [GRAND example is how females get hyped and sing "Nothing's Free" at the top of their lungs...idiots]

Quick EASY example. When I think of comprehending a track, I think of Common. I Used to Love H.E.R. Now you could just simply listen to the track, and go…oh, he sounds dope. Now as a female, without listening to the words, I’d go..oh…a rap song about male/female relationships. I get that, because as a female, we LOVE to hear songs dedicated towards us…reminds us of a man “rapping” to a woman. But after listening, the double entendre can be deducted, and then we realize this is dedicated to hip hop…not a real woman. While, without Brown Sugar, a lot of people would still be lost. Same can be said about Paris, Tokyo and Lupe…but…I’m not getting into that right now. He’s complicated because he’s complicated.

Hip Hop has served a purpose now a days to feed the shallowness and the apathy we have nowadays to just be. Make it easy for us, just tell us what the hell you’re talking about in the song…
It destroys the purpose. The energy that deciphering the message feeds to the mind body and spirit. And maybe I’m just way to passionate about the power of words.

Conscience rap doesn’t’ sell as much a “This bitch that hoe, got my rims and my ice, watch me flip these bricks” type music, does it. Wanna compare how much Soulja Boy sold versus the Roots? That’s because our hunger to UNDERSTAND has been replaced with an lack of appetite…to…I don’t even know what to call it.

eh…I’m just talking…

Equality means EQUAL Right [No to Prop 8]

•November 30, 2008 • Leave a Comment
So this started, this passionate all encompassing move for equality past my own race, past my own sex, but centered on me and we as humans…with a comment an older lady I work with said while watching the news….

Lady: So they passed Prop 8…hmm good

I was raised not to disrespect my elders, and knowing what Prop 8 was, I searched my mind to find a way to ask her without sounding too radical in my approach.

Me: So, you’re happy about the Prop being passed?
Lady: I gather so
Me: Me, personally I just don’t get it. I don’t see what those people do with their lives has to do with anything dealing with Californian Law.
Lady: This aint’ about the law…this is about keeping things sacred. They were trying to interfere with the sanctity of marriage.

So me knowing once a person hits like 50, they’re mind is already soaked in 30 years of their opinions, but I let her rant away and then politely excused myself. Then like clockwork, I happen to catch Keith Olbermann Special Comments section on Prop 8 later on that night. If you haven’t seen it. You should. He makes very clear and touching points.

Simply put for those who signed the on Prop 8. What does what they do with their lives have to do with you? Because I don’t get it. I’m a straight female so what another female does with another female has NO BEARINGS on my life…So I oppose noone. Get your happiness on.

Every time I ask that question, I get all kinds of answers. Marriage Marriage..Religion…Sacred…Sanctity.

Which is fine. I not going to get into a religious argument about the rights and wrongs of homosexual behavior. Believe what you want. I believe what I want.

But what I don’t get is. How can you oppose LOVE. Why step in the way of what one human heart feels for another human heart. No one is saying you gotta understand it. But why not accept it. It has NOTHING to do with you. Why is it fair that we as a sovereign nation are allowed to dictate the lives of two people. Why is a nation that is specifically built on the SEPERATION of CHURCH and STATE allowed to bend those rules when it comes to something we collectively as humans just don’t understand. Why are we allowed to broach on their happiness because of how they are physically built. How does that not differ on discrimination towards Blacks or people of Middle Eastern decent…bias on how they are treated and the rights they are allowed in this country because they “act” or “look” or “believe” differently than we do?

Then someone decided to bring children into the picture by saying ” You know how f*cked up a child would be if they were raised by two men/women?”

Yeah, like the nuclear family is a staple in the American society. How many single parent, extended families….aunts and grandmothers raising children because the parent was fit. I thought a community raised a child…not just its parents? Yet , two people want to pour all their love into the upbringing of a child…[which BTW would help lighten the load of adoption agency around the world if there were more families...parents who wanted to adopt, take an unloved child and provide them that...LOVE]….. Who are we to oppose that?

Another fact Keith brought up was that whites and non whites weren’t always allowed to marry. The Racial Integrity Act of 1924 stated that interracial couples were ILLEGAL. Which…if we want to get biblical…can probably be traced back to (Deuteronomy 7:3-4). Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you….going further…slaves…not whites…weren’t true Christians..they were property…On second though…No…I’m not going into that…. [I mean because I could go into how sin is sin and when you lie to your girfriend or talk about your best friend behind her back, or you eat too much or you worship Idols...your sins are just as great as their sins...]

Anyways. This country can either be a country that has separation of church and state. Or Be a country where State and Church are one…[the go back to the killings in Jesus's name...and all the bloody hell that happens when Political leaders intertwine their power with God's power in commanding this country....]

We can’t have it both ways. We can be a country where a certain document holds these truths to be self evident…that ALL MEN are created equal…or be a state that encompasses the Golden Rule into our fabrics…and then…not follow them….*gasp*…::rollshereyes::

This country as a LONG way to go….

How can we preach equality…and not hand it out equally….

Hmmm…

Have a Happy Period…

•November 30, 2008 • Leave a Comment
Have a Happy Per….
little whip’s lair
these are the eyes of disarrayHave a Happy Period?
label: bwuahahahahahaha
Published on March 1, 2008 By little-whip In Misc

This (claims to be) an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. (I don’t vouch for its authenticity, but share it only because it made me laugh and I hope it will do the same for you.)

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f*cking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Ahahahahaha….Achmed’s so damn funny…
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

**DEAD. Yo I’ve been reading that almost religiously every month. Wendi is a FOOL! And just to be extra sure…I checked today…and it sure does say have a DAMN HAPPY PERIOD. Men are complete idiots in regards to the abdominal rippin pain, hormonal surges and pure death that comes with The Curse. Don’t even get it….

 
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